Galatians 6:2-5

² Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. ³ For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. ⁴ But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. ⁵ For each will have to bear his own load.

(Excerpts from a sermon by Pastor Amy Howard, First United Methodist Church, Tuscaloosa, August 21, 2022).

I try to always pay attention at church, but there are some messages that grab your attention more than others.  Recently, our associate pastor delivered a message that resonated with me in a profound way.  It is one that has been going through my head quite a bit through the years, and it has really hit home this year.  I hope that I can provide an adequate summation of the sermon and my personal experiences, while also doing it in such a way that it helps those of you who may feel that it will benefit you in your life.  

Her message focused on the notion that there are two types of burdens – those that are your own, and those that belong to others.  In the former case, we have burdens of our own which we bear each day.  Those are knapsacks, and we typically can bear them alone.  However, we sometimes take on the burdens of others, which she equates to boulders.  Often people will try to carry the boulders of others in addition to their knapsack, and they get “crushed” so to speak because they take on too much. We will take on those boulders even when we should not be taking them on for others, nor has anyone asked us to take them.  Regardless, we cannot carry those boulders alone.  We must establish boundaries, and we must understand our capacities.  Bearing others burdens requires that we be equipped to do so.

I had someone tell me once that because I was a black man living in a predominantly white town that I ran the risk of being a failure.  As he was a white man, I took offense to his statement at first, but he explained his statement.  He stated that I was going to be highly sought after to serve and be visible in the workplace and in the community.  He stated that I would be sought after by individuals who desired to be mentored.  He felt that I would be stretched thin if I wasn’t careful.  I heard, but I didn’t hear him.  I ran headlong into life as a young man thinking that I could shoulder all of these boulders of the world.

I feel that I have balanced life fairly well in terms of family, work, and taking care of myself.  However, there are indications that I was not doing as well as I thought.  Due to my past traumas and challenges, and an overwhelming feeling of imposter syndrome (watch for an upcoming blog on this one), I felt like it was necessary to not let anyone down.  There were dropped balls.  There were missed meetings.  There were times that I was late.  There were missed family events.  There were important events where I “was not present” because my mind was elsewhere because of the numerous other commitments that kept my mind focused on multiple and competing priorities.  I achieved much, but I could have done so much more if I had been more focused.

Here are some thoughts to ponder as it relates to ensuring that you are staying balanced and not carrying too many boulders.

1. Understand your priorities – During my freshman year as an Alabama football player, Coach Bill Curry stated that we should have four priorities: God (or whatever spiritual being we desired to worship), family, our education, and Alabama football.  It was fairly simple and straightforward right.  He added that our priorities are easy to state, but when we look at how much time we spend with each of them, are they truly our prioritized priorities?  Think about what is most important to you.  Commit fully to those things based upon what is realistic in terms of time management.  Don’t take on any more than will realistically fit in your schedule.  Ask yourself if you can achieve your goals for each of these priorities, and if you cannot, then you need to reshuffle the deck.  It’s easier said than done, but you must be honest with yourself.
2. Learn to say “no” – I have this overwhelming feeling that if I said no to anyone who requested that I serve or who asked me to mentor them that I was a failure.  I felt like I was letting people down.  However, I learned that I said yes in some cases, and I took on boulders that I should not be carrying, and consequently, I learned that I was not doing anyone any favors.  I was not helping to solve the problem.  In some cases, I became part of the problem.  Graciously saying no and articulating your passion for the project or person, while also acknowledging your current commitments is not a bad thing at all.  It may disappoint some people, but at the end of the day, you must be true to yourself.
3. Delegate, Delegate, Delegate – If you are in a position of leadership, and you can ask others to spend some time on the matters, please take advantage of it.  It goes without saying that you should make sure that it is within the boundaries of their job description and not unethical for whatever reason.  Be sure to highlight how this will benefit all concerned, including the reality that the work will get done because it has been placed into the hands of someone who will put full energy into it.
4. Realize that you cannot save the world – In several of my more recent positions, I was the first African American to serve in a permanent role in these executive level positions.  I was very honored and humbled by the chance to do so.  However, there are many expectations from so many different constituents.  The African American community wants you to be successful because we are always of the opinion that if the “first” does not do well, it will close the doors for others.  Many will expect you to be the voice for the African American community which is completely unfair because the community is not monolithic.  There are many voices, and you should not be expected to represent the entire community.  There will be young professionals and other constituents who will desire to have your ear because they want to know how to achieve at the levels that you have achieved.  It is admirable, and it is important, but you must remember that there are only so many hours in the day.  Give back and support others for sure, and do it often because to whom much is given, much is expected.  Some will say required instead of expected, but let’s be real.  Whose measuring stick are we utilizing in stating that it is required?  You cannot please everyone.  You again must be realistic in assessing how to give back in a way that you are not overburdened with the cares of the world.  It will only set you up for failure if you do.

Taking care of your personal knapsack is so very important in that you are taking care of your own business. However, some are equipped to take care of their own burdens, and they take on the burdens of others as well. As the Bible verses from Galatians’ scripture, that is what we are supposed to do. It is ok do so, but know that you are limited in your ability to take care of yourself and others.  Our Lord wants us to serve and support one another, as stated in these verses, but He wants us to do it humbly while also submitting our will to His Will.  You only have the capacity to do so much.  You don’t have an “S” on your chest (superman/woman), regardless of what you think.  When you take on too much, you spread yourself thin, and you become useless to anyone.  Learn to manage your priorities and leverage the resources and the people around you to be successful.  The sooner you learn this, the more likely you are to be successful long term.  Finally, I did not go into this much, but do things for the right reason.  Always be committed to serving others, but do it strategically.  Don’t take on too many elephants because you will eventually be crushed.